"My Husband Is a Gay Porno Star"

An Actual Lady's Confession by Janet Mitchell

The movie was still playing in my VCR, but I couldn't see it anymore--my eyes were too full of tears. I hadn't cried while watching a movie since my mother and father took me to see E.T. when I was a little girl. But this time was much different. I was all alone, instead of in a theater sitting next to people I loved. And the movie was nothing any responsible adult would let a child see. But the biggest difference was that I wasn't watching strangers on the screen--it was a gay X-rated movie, starring my own husband!

I had never thought anything like that could happen. Only a couple of weeks earlier, life seemed completely normal and secure. In fact, I was very happy, because my old friend Denise was finally going to get married. Of all of us girls who had been friends in high school, she was the last one who was still single. When she announced her engagement to Brian Kelley, who had been the captain of the basketball team and now managed a chain of grocery stores around the county, all of us were so glad. Our friend Kathy decided to throw Denise a wild bachelorette party. I wasn't so sure I liked that idea, though. It seemed embarrassing to have a party where everyone is talking about sex and giving X-rated presents to the bride. "Come on, Janet," Kathy said, "I've always wanted to throw one, and this is our last chance." I just hoped I'd be able to have a good time.

One day, a week before the party, Kathy called me on the telephone.

"Janet," she said, "I'm coming to pick you up in an hour!"

"Why?" I asked.

She laughed, then said "All of us girls are going shopping!"

That sounded like a good idea. I hadn't been to the mall in a long time, and I needed to buy some new towels for the bathroom. Usually, I liked to spend Saturdays with my husband, Craig, but he was busy working in the yard.

"Ok," I told Kathy, "I'll be ready in an hour."

"See you then, Janet," she said. She seemed to be in a very good mood.

An hour later, Kathy pulled up in her car with three of our friends, Jill, Laurie, and Cindy. "Hi, girls," I said, smiling, as I stepped into the car. "Where's Denise?"

"Denise isn't coming," Kathy said, stepping on the gas. Laurie started to giggle.

"Why not?" I wondered outloud.

"Because we're going shopping for her!" Kathy shouted, happily. Ever since she was the captain of the cheerleading squad back in school, she's always been so enthusiastic. That's why she's a special friend to meŠshe's so cheerful that she makes things easier. Everyone was laughing now. I figured it was just Kathy's high spirits spreading to everyone else. They have a way of doing that. I started laughing too.

After awhile, I noticed that Kathy was not taking the right freeway to go to the mall. "Hey, are you taking a shortcut or something?" I said.

"What?" she laughed.

"Aren't we going to the mall?"

"We're not going to the mall, Janet," Laurie giggled, "We're going to the Love Shack!"

"The Love Shack?" I was confused. "Like the song?"

Everyone cracked up at that one.

"Oh, Janet," Kathy called out from the front seat, "you're so funny!"

"But what's the Love Shack?" I cried. "Come on, you guys, tell me! This isn't funny!"

By this time, everyone was roaring with laughter, making me more and more angry. Finally, Laurie spoke.

"The Love Shack's an adult store," she said.

"You mean, no kids' section?" Laurie laughed really loud at that. "Well what is it?" I shouted.

"Don't you get it?" Laurie laughed some more, "The Love Shack is a porno store! We're going shopping for the bachelorette party!"

I couldn't believe my ears. "Kathy," I cried, "is it true?"

She just started laughing with the rest of them, so I knew it was. I was shocked. My best friend was driving me to an X-rated boutique!

"Why would you ever want to go there?" I cried. They could hear I was upset and that stopped their laughter, at least for a little while. "This place isn't safe. I bet it's a bunch of perverts in raincoats. They'll probably try to rape us!"

There was silence for a moment. "Janet," Kathy said, looking at me in the rear view mirror, "I promise you it wont be like that."

"But how can you know?" I cried out. "I've seen places like that on TV, you know."

"I know it's safe because I've been there before," she replied calmly.

That really surprised me. I thought that people like Kathy just never went to places like that. I was so shocked I was unable to speak for at first. I just looked out the car window, thinking about how well I'd thought I knew my own best friend. "Why did you go there?" I finally asked.

"Janet," she said with a reassuring smile, "I went there to help my marriage."

"Your marriage?" I gasped. "You and Richard are having marital troubles?"

Her familiar laugh came back. "Not anymore!"

"What do you mean?"

"We didn't have big problems," she said, "but after being together for awhile, our sex life was cooling off." I said nothing. "It's a perfectly normal thing to happen in a marriage." I didn't know that. It was interesting to hear Kathy say so, though, because Craig and I were having less and less sex too. It wasn't really a problem, but it was something I had noticed.

"I know exactly what you mean," Laurie chimed in. "When me and Mike were first married, we spent more time out of our clothes than in them. Now all we do in bed anymore is sleep!"

"Laurie!" I cried.

"It's true," she laughed, "but maybe I'll find something at the Love Shack today to heat things up again."

"I still don't understand," I said, "What can you buy at a store that solves marital problems? I thought the things they sell in a place like that hurt marriages!"

"It helped Kathy's," Laurie said. "Right, Kathy?"

"It really did, Janet," Kathy said. "I know it seems strange to you, but some of the things you can buy there can really jump-start your sex life, and that's an important part of any marriage."

"Even yours, Janet," teased Laurie. I just ignored her.

"It's not just porno videos and magazines there," Kathy said, merging into the right-hand lane. "You'll see when we get there. They have all kinds of stuff. I bought some sexy outfits for me, and even edible panties. Richard loved them."

"Janet, you're blushing!" Laurie said with a squeal of laughter. This time, I couldn't help laughing along. Edible panties? What a crazy idea! But if it would help my friends keep their marriage happy, I guess it was OK with me.

"I don't mean to embarrass you, Janet," Kathy called back to me from the front seat.

"I'm not embarrassed," I said back, "I just never heard of this stuff before."

"I hadn't either," Kathy said, "but I'm glad I did!"

She pulled off the highway and soon we pulled up in front of the Love Shack. It was a kind of plain-looking place. On the outside, it looked like any medium-sized store. I just stood in front looking at it for a second. Laurie, Jill, and Cindy went right in.

"Don't be scared, Janet," Kathy said, "We'll have a good time." Then she took me by the arm and led me in.

The first thing I noticed when we stepped in the door was that it was air-conditioned, which was nice because it was hot out that day. Soft rock played over the loudspeaker. All sorts of people were shopping: women and men, some of them in couples, some alone. It was the exact kind of people we would have seen at the mall, except they didn't bring their kids, of course. A rack of greeting cards covered one wall. Laurie, Cindy and Jill were already looking through them and laughing.

"Janet, Kathy," come over here, Laurie called out to us. "Look at this card," Laurie said. "It would be perfect for Denise."

I forget exactly what the card said, but it had a picture of a handsome man with his shirt off. But when you unfolded the card to read the second half of the message, you could see that the man was completely nude. I think I screamed a little when I saw that, but then I was laughing with the rest of the girls.

"I bet you never saw anything like that at the Hallmark store," Kathy said with a wink. Then she said we should look in back at some of the other stuff.

In the back, there were clothes, feather boas, whips, paddles, all sorts of leather jewelry, and shelves full of X-rated magazines and video tapes. I also noticed a wall covered with what I later found out are called "sex toys"--little rubber devices in the shape of the male organ! I turned my eyes away when I saw those, and immediately noticed a rack of beautiful lingerie. Some of it was very skimpy and colorful, like you might see a prostitute wearing on TV, sexier even than what you see in the catalogs. Some pairs of the panties were even split open in the crotch!

"Are these the kind of thing you want to get for Denise?" I asked, taking a pair of the split-crotch panties off the rack.

"Maybe," Kathy answered. "Do you like them?"

"They're pretty," I admitted, "but they doesn't seem very practical."

"They seem very practical to me!" she giggled. I laughed and agreed, but we decided to look at some of the other racks before making up our minds.

"Look at this," I called out. I found a beautiful blue and black set of panties, garter belt and bra.

"Hey, that's really pretty, Janet," Cindy said, coming over.

"I know!" I exclaimed. "It's so delicate and lacy, and just look how pretty that blue is!" It was such a great set of lingerie, I thought it might be nice for Denise.

"Blue is your favorite color, isn't it?" Cindy asked.

"Yes," I said,"and look, it's on sale. Do you think I should get it for Denise?"

Cindy looked at me warmly. "Janet," she said, "I think you should buy it for yourself."

I wondered to myself how Craig would react to seeing me in sexy new lingerie. Maybe we would enjoy a romantic evening together. That would be nice, I thought to myself. We'd both been so busy that we really hadn't had much time together to share our love for one another.

"You're right, Cindy," I smiled. "I'm going to buy it."

I heard Laurie and Jill laughing by the racks with the dirty movies on them. I wasn't about to go over and see what smutty thing they'd found so funny, but sure enough, Laurie brought it over to me.

"Look, Janet," she said, sticking something right in my face. "We were looking at the video boxes for the gay movies, and I was just telling Jill that this guy here looks like Craig."

"Very funny, Laurie," I said icily, after having only glanced at the picture on the cover for a second.

"I mean it, look at the tall one in back."

"Sorry, Laurie, maybe you enjoy looking at gay porno video boxes, but I don't."

"It's just a guy who looks like you're husband, I think that's funny," she said, seeming to grow impatient. "Just look."

To get her off my case, I looked back at the picture. It was two guys in Speedo bathing suits. On stood behind the other, with his hand on his "friend"'s shoulder. I could see at once that the man in back did resemble Craig. Big deal. "Yes, Laurie," I said coolly, "this gay porno star looks like my husband. Very funny."

"Oh, don't be such a crab, Janet," Laurie said. "It's not like I'm saying it is your husband."

I wanted to look her in the eye, but somehow I couldn't draw my eyes away from the video box. The man in the picture looked more like Craig than I had thought had first.

"Here, I'll put it back," Laurie said, snatching the box away. As she walked back to the shelf, I was a little shaken. As Craig's wife, I've looked at him more than just about anyone. I know what he looks like, and the man on the box was creepily similar. I tried to tell myself it was just a coincidence. Craig is good-looking, but not in an usual way. There's lots of tall, handsome blonde men like him. But I was unable to get rid of the strange feelings I had.

"What's wrong, Janet?" Kathy asked.

"N-nothing," I mumbled, "I'm just trying to figure out what to get Denise."

I left the Love Shack that day with the lingerie for me and Craig, and a few pairs of edible panties for Denise. As it turned out, Craig loved how I looked in the underwear and he made passionate love to me that night. In fact, our love life really picked up for several days. I called up Kathy and told her she was right about the Love Shack. Things were so happy between me and Craig that I didn't really give that gay porno video box another thought.

Later in the week, I attended Denise's bachelorette party. Like I've said, I don't enjoy dirty talk as much as some of my friends seem to, but I still managed to have a good time, and I was glad that Denise seemed to like the edible panties I gave her. But all the sexual talk reminded me of our shopping trip to the Love Shack, and the porno star who looked so much like my Craig. I had avoided thinking about it, but now I couldn't stop myself, and I began to ask myself if it could be Craig in that picture.

Then I thought about what I knew about Craig's past. He was from the same town as the rest of us, and I'd known him since we were in school together. But he had moved to Los Angeles for a couple years after we graduated high school. He'd never really told me much about the time he'd spent there. In fact, it seemed like he didn't really like to talk about it. Was he hiding something from me?

That night, I didn't sleep at all. I just lay by Craig's side, worrying. The next day we went to church, and I prayed with all my heart that I was mistaken, that there was no need to worry. But it didn't help. All day long, I couldn't think of anything else. Monday morning, after Craig left for work, I found myself doing something I never thought I would. I got in my car and drove to the Love Shack by myself.

From my first trip there, I'd learned that ordinary people like me shop at the Love Shack, so this time I was worried that someone I know might be there and see me shopping alone. I wore my hair up in a scarf and put on a pair of dark sunglasses.

I pretended to look at the cards for a few minutes, then I made my way back to where I knew the X-rated videotapes would be found. I found the gay section and browsed through them as quickly as possible, looking for the one Laurie had showed me. I had to look at hundreds of pictures of naked men, kissing and hugging and even having sex with each other. I jumped with fright when I heard a man's voice right behind me.

"Can I help you find anything, ma'am?" said the voice. I didn't turn around to face the salesperson.

"N-no, I'm ... I'm just looking," I murmured over my shoulder.

"Ok, well you let me know if you need any help," he said and walked away. He must have thought I was a prize weirdo--a lady shopping for a gay porno tape!

Finally, I found the box I was looking for. The name of the tape was "School of Hard Cocks." I suppose they thought that was very funny. The video said it starred Marcus Worthington and Tyler Richards, but I don't suppose porno stars use their real names. I looked hard at the one called Tyler Richards--that was the one who looked so much like Craig. I couldn't tell for certain one way or the other. Even his muscular body was similar to Craig's. The face was very close, but something about it seemed strange. Of course in the movie it would be easier to tell, since he would be moving. But I'd never bought anything like that--it had been hard enough to buy edible panties. Finally, I put those doubts out of my head, grabbed the box, and walked right up to the counter and bought a gay porno movie. Well, now I've finally done something none of my friends have, I thought to myself with a bitter laugh.

I sped home on the freeway, almost causing a couple of accidents. I ran into the house, locked the door behind me, quickly drew all the curtains and shoved the tape into the video player. The movie was about the male students at a college, and "Tyler Richards" was the star of the first "scene," having gay sex with another young man. As the scene played tears filled my eyes. I had been married to Craig for five years. I knew what he looks like when he makes love. And the man in the video was definitely my husband!

I was packing my bags when Craig got home that night. He rushed to my side and held me and asked what was wrong. I was so confused and hurt that I couldn't make any sense. I just beat on him with my fists and screamed.

"Janet!" he gasped, "what's wrong? Should I call a doctor?"

"Call a doctor," I managed to scream between sobs, "because you're sick!" Then the crying took over again, and I fell to the floor. He rushed to my side and tried to hold me but I began screaming again. He stepped back and I was able to calm down a little.

"Janet," he said very softly, "everything is OK. I'm here. Please, please tell me what's wrong."

My words came out sounding almost like a dog's growl. "I found out--"

"Janet! Breathe deeply," he said, "you found out what?"

"I found out you're a porno star!" I screamed. "A gay porno star!" I cried more than I ever have in my whole entire life. And then, I must have passed out. The next thing I remembered, I was lying in bed, looking up at Craig, who was sitting next to me on the edge of the bed. It was dark out. Several hours had passed.

"How do you feel?" Craig asked softly.

"Tired," I mumbled back.

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry you had to find out about my movie that way," he said. I thought I might start crying again, but I didn't.

"Janet, I would never do anything to hurt you," he went on. "I- I made three sex videos a long time ago, when I lived in Los Angeles. It was before I even really knew you."

I didn't say anything.

"I wanted the money, and I guess something inside me thought it might be fun," he said.

"Are you gay?" I asked.

He took another deep breath. "Janet, I am in love with you. I have had sex with men, and I have had sex with women. But I am never going to have sex with anyone but you, just like I said in my wedding vows."

This time I did begin to cry. I believed he was telling the truth. I still believe him. I could see why I had fallen in love with this man in the first place. He was honest and truthful, and he owed up to his past. A more cowardly man would have denied he'd made the movie, or he would have left when I confronted him and never came back. And when I thought about it, it didn't bother me that he might find other men attractive. After all, I'd always assumed he'd find women other than me attractive after we married. That would be OK, but it wouldn't be OK if he had affairs with them. Craig had been faithful to me always, and I trust him enough to believe he always will be. I did wish he'd told me about his videos before so I wouldn't have found out in such a painful way, and he apologized to me for that. He said he was too embarrassed to mention it before, and I can understand that.

Of course, there were other things to worry about. Craig and I both got AIDS tests. We should have before, since neither one of us was a virgin when we were married. I had wanted to save myself for marriage, but foolishly given myself to a boy I was in love with when I was just a teen. Craig and I were relieved when both our tests came back negative.

We also had to worry about what might happen if someone else in our town finds out. Laurie had recognized Craig on the video box, even though she didn't really think it was him.

Someone else might realize that it is him. We've decided that if that ever happens, we will have to be honest and hope that people will understand. But I hope no one finds out. My marriage is stronger than ever, and I don't want other people causing unnecessary problems for Craig and me.

A few weeks later, after the shock had worn off, Craig and I watched the movie again. I'd accepted that he'd done gay videos, and we even joked about it together sometimes. And I was curious to see the rest of it. After a few minutes of the video, it got less strange to watch him having gay sex on our television, and I began to notice how sexy he was in the movie. He was also a much better actor than anyone else in the tape. I bet that video was a best seller, because he was so good in it. I never thought I'd be saying this, but watching my husband's performance in his gay porno movie made me proud.

The End

Is Janet doing the right thing by staying with Craig? Do you watch gay porn with your husband? Are you a lady with a confession of your own? Email us at The Confessions of Ladies Magazine today!